- Ducks are a lot like women...they don't like mud on their butts.
- "If you catch squirrels for your woman she will never cut you off in bed."
- The more make up a woman wears the more she's tryin to hide. Make up can hide a lot of evil.
- She may be an ugly woman but she if cooks squirrel and dumplins, that's the woman you go after.
- "In a subdivision, you call 911. At home, I AM 911 ! "
- "I'm a low tech man in a high tech world."
- "It's time to pee on the fire and call in the dogs boys."
- ''I need to take a leak but there ain't no cracks in this building''
- I want my grandkids to grow up in the great outdoors. The last thing I want is for them to grow up to be nerds
- "Women with whiskers... its a bummer."
- "Ya'll might want to go to Walmart and pick up a personality."
- Better a days catch of fish than a lifetime of crabs.
- I don't want my grandkids comin to me sayin " Papa i got syphillis ".. I know where that comes from.
- Don't touch her below the neck until you sign the dotted line.
- Life is good! Color TV... A Commode that flushes...
- "All I need in a house is a place to eat, sleep, and a back room to chase Miss Kay around and I can do that right here, NOOOOOOO Problem."
- I'm just glad I didn't have a house full of girls, seems like a nightmare to me
- I'm trying to teach these grandkids of mine the Robertson way
- I think our culture needs more grandpas ridin along with grandson and girlfriend
- One more yuppy girl came a little closer to becoming a redneck today, America may be saved yet
- City folk think these beavers are cute and cuddly animals, but they are destructors..
- When I see bright lights coming from a pretty good distance... I'm gone
- His redneck blood is thinning
- "Crawfish have ding dongs and vaginas."
- "If you can find a nice pretty country girl that can cook and carries her bible, now there's a woman."
- "Whether you're talking about bees, dogs, or women, pain can come upon you quickly from either one of em."
- "Too many days in the subdivision. Snakes fall out of trees, you go a-runnin."
- You need to be able to take a leak in your yard without someone saying, "hey what's he doing".
- I don't do the restaurant gigs, nooo, especially not in the middle of a beaver killing.
- If we find every beaver dam on the property, load it with dynamite that'll be a start.
- Man against furry animals, I'll win before it's over.
- He can naw through a 2x6 like a knife going through butter, he's the super beaver.
- "Mainly I use the grand kids, when it comes to crawfishin, as a labor pool"
- That’s the sound of a bullfrog losing its head.
- Most of Si's stories... you can classify them as SI-ence fiction.
- I removed the gizzards from the intestines and all the girls started to squeal.
- We don't need a world full of straight A students, I'm an ole C average man myself, Si, he's probably C minus"
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